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The Untitled Celebrity AU: AKA: OBHBWF

Part Seven:



vii.

From the online journal of Katie Summers:

London went a lot smoother than Berlin did. First of all, Julie wasn’t mauled this time. Although, we, as a whole, are disappointed that there were no bruises for us to view this time through. No one tried to molest Orlando, and I did not have champagne spilled down my bodice. Julie was not tripped by psycho Orlando fangirls, and thus did not fall and take out David and Karl. This is a disappointment, because David definitely has a bruise on his backside. I know this because he showed us.

End Excerpt

In the limo on the way to the airport, they are singing. Although, it seems as though they might be playing freeze out, because those damnable hobbits (Dom is the culprit, and possibly Andy is the accomplice, because Elijah is in New York) have opened the sunroof.

And it’s bloody sunny. Kit cannot find her sunglasses. She rummages about in her purse, until she hears a squeak of laughter. She looks up to see Julie bury her face in Karl’s shoulder. Someone changes the station, and since it then stops on some weird… something, Kit surmises that the culprit in this situation but be Hobbit Bill. Karl is grinning.

Something is rotten in the state of… err. Great Britain.

“What?” Kit asks. Karl shakes his head, and Julie is still giggling. It’s catching too, because Miranda looks up, and then starts in. Then Liv starts, then David, who is on the far side of the car from Kit, against the door. “Okay, what is so damned funny?”

Julie manages to lift her face from Karl’s shirt. She looks at Kit, but Kit catches the way her eyes flick toward Orlando. Kit looks at Orlando.

“What the fuck, mate!” she cries. Orlando stares at her, deadpan, the sun from the sunroof slanting across his face, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses. Kit glares at him. He starts grinning, breaking into a full, gorgeous smile. Kit launches herself at him, trying to grab her sunglasses. “You ass!” she shouts.

“Help!” Cries Andy, crushed against the door in Orlando’s desperate bid to protect the stolen eyewear from his girlfriend’s scrabbling hands.

The rest of the car is laughing too hard to lend Andy any help. He whimpers, then starts shrieking in the Gollum voice. Kit backs away quickly. Orlando crawls over Andy, still wearing Kit’s pilfered sunglasses, and shoves Andy between himself and Kit.

“I am not your shield,” Andy says, and makes a desperate bid for the freedom of the opposite seat, and is rebuffed by Liv, and Billy. Andy sinks into the seat between Kit and Orlando, pouting, which really doesn’t have the same effect if say, Dom had done.

“You are,” Orlando says. Kit goes for him, stretching across Andy (who does not complain, receiving a voluntary lap full of pretty girl), and grabbing Orlando by the head. She kisses him most passionately, to a chorus of moans and groans and protest. While she kisses him, she steals the sunglasses.

“HA!” She shouts, and retreats to the other side of Andy. Andy sighs. Orlando pouts at Kit.

Orlando has a much better pout than one Andy Serkis.

Kit goes back across Andy, shoving the older man out of the way to molest Orlando. More groans. Shouts to get a room.

Then the door opens, and they detach with record timing, adjusting clothes and hair, and to the relief of the other occupants of the limousine.
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