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i'd promise you anything for another shot at life.
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Untitled Celebrity AU (known as OBHBWF):

Part Six:



vi.

Excerpted from the online journal of Katie Summers:

… and vying for “Most Embarrassing Moment” of the night, are two falls: One, when Julie was tripped by a mean-and-nasty fan who thought she was with Orlando (for SHAME), and took out David and Karl as she feel. The other involves a bottle of champagne (which is disgusting) and Orlando, and my dress.

Needless to say, Orlando spilling champagne all over me then attempting to lick it off was far more embarrassing than Julie falling down and taking David and Karl with her.

Oh, who am I kidding? That was fucking FUNNY.

End Excerpt

“I think my leg is broken” Julie moans. She limps very dramatically across the room, and throws herself down on the couch, to a chorus of swearing from the occupants of the couch. But, since it’s Hobbits (and the horny ones, too, bad Dom, gropes her immediately), they’re not really complaining about having their laps overflowing with pretty girl. Even if pretty girl’s hair is tangled and messed up from the night before, and she’s wearing the remains of that night’s makeup, and sweatpants.

“Your leg is broken? I think my rear is broken,” David says. “Did you have to grab me too?”

“You made for a soft landing,” Julie says, and grins.

“Until Karl landed on us,” David says. “Then I was just squashed.”

A decidedly evil cackle issues from the Kiwi in the next room. Julie starts laughing.

David sticks his head into the other room. “You just watch it, mate. You’ll pay.” He threatens.

“Not likely,” they hear Karl say. David goes into the other room and closes the door.

Unmanly shrieking ensues, and David returns with an evil grin on his face. Kit waltzes in at the same time, a grin on her face. She is glowing.

“Thoroughly fucked,” says Dom, from his place beneath Julie.

“You’d better move your hand, Dominic,” Julie says slowly. “Because if you don’t, I’m going to do it for you.”

Dom’s hand withdraws.

Kit strolls over and sits upon the Hobbits as well.

“What did you say, Monaghan?” she asks, leaning close to Dom’s face.

“I said—“ Dom begins.

“Don’t say it!” Billy yells.

“—thoroughly FUCKED,” Dom says.

“Stupid Dom,” Elijah says. “Forgive him, he’s very stupid,” Elijah says.

“I think we should all move,” Billy says.

Julie manages to squirm her way off the couch, and she, Billy, and Elijah take to the hills—err… the other side of the room. Kit perches herself on Dom’s lap.

“Dommie, Dommie, Dommie,” she says, “I’m afraid that you can’t just, open your mouth like that. It could cause you grievous injury.”

“I’m impressed that you know that word,” Dom says.

“OOooo,” say the spectators (Julie, Billy, Elijah, and David.) Karl even manages to come out of the other room (in a TOWEL, for christssakes) to see the smack-down.

“Keep your mouth shut, boy,” Kit say, and kisses him. “Because you’re right. I’m thoroughly fucked, and you don’t have a chance.”

“Ow,” says Elijah. Kit bounces off Dom’s lap and back across the room. She gives Elijah a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“You’re so adorable,” she informs him. Elijah grins.

They turn as a unit to watch her prance out, presumably to shag Orlando again. This is the point where Julie catches sight of Karl in his towel.

“Out of the way!” David says, and moves, hauling Billy with him. Julie goes for Karl, herding him into their room, the towel flying out behind them.

“Good god,” says Billy. “Am I the only sane one?”

David and Elijah look at him and laugh. A lot.
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hehehehe!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!
YOU FIRST!