i'd promise you anything for another shot at life. (thewayout) wrote in telegramupdates,
i'd promise you anything for another shot at life.
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The Untitled Celebrity AU:

Part Three:



iii.

Excerpted from the online blog of Julie Harris:

I think the best moment of the night (or worst, or most annoying, dependent on who you are, and where you were sitting) was Kat Summers yelling “you go girl!” at Eowyn when the Fell Beast was beheaded on the field of the Pelennor. At which point, Miranda Otto stood up (in her most gorgeous pink dress), and curtseyed, bowing to the raucous cheers and applause from the cast section of the audience.

The fans were NOT AMUSED.

End Exerpt

Baseball caps and back packs were the attire of the day as the group strolled through the airport. Orlando sported a wig, though he’d made a bad choice and had come out looking like a tanned Legolas. The girls had squished together, being that there were only four of them on this flight. Julie was rocking back and forth on her heels, and Miranda was trying to coerce her ponytail through her hat.

“I need coffee.” Julie says. Liv finished braiding Julie’s hair and tossed the braid over the other girl’s shoulder.

“Mm,” Miranda says. “Coffee.”

“Coffee is disgusting,” Kit declares. Three heads swivel in unison to look at her, and Kit is sufficiently creeped. She retreats into tanned!Legolas’s company, watching as the three girls move toward the coffee booth. They remind Kit vaguely of the seagulls in Finding Nemo, and she has an urge to say “Mine! Mine! Mine!”

Kit wonders if the entire flight is going to be like this.

“You know,” Miranda says, once they’re on the plane, and three of the four females have steaming cups of some sort of coffee concoction, “if I didn’t know you were so damned cool, I’d de-friend you.”

Kit looks at Miranda, baffled. “You Rings people are all insane.”

Miranda and Liv laugh, and Miranda says “But you yelled YOU GO GIRL in the theatre!”

Kit blushes, and looks the other way, where, on the other side of the isle, Julie is leaning as far as humanly possible to prevent herself from losing her pastry from rabid hobbits. Her coffee has already been stolen by one Billy Boyd, and Dominic seems to have no qualms about molesting her for her snack. She’s shrieking, and other passengers are glaring. Kit giggles, reaches out, and takes the pastry.

Julie gives her the patented GLARE OF DOOM (tm), and Orlando withers in the seat next to her under the sheer force of the glare.

“Don’t. Eat. My donut.” Julie says.

Kit takes a big ol’ bite.

Julie and Dom both pout.

Somewhere over the Atlantic, while Orlando is sleeping, and Kit is trying to keep him from drooling on her shoulder (because no matter how pretty he is, he is NOT drooling on her shoulder), and after Miranda has switched seats with Dom, after Julie bit him when he tried to steal her candybar (he’s now sitting on the other side of Orlando, between the “fucking elves” pouting and pretending to nurse the non existent bite marks on his arm, Julie and Miranda have the bright idea to fangirl Orlando.

This normally would entail the careful swapping of seats with both Kit and Dominic, but somehow, the two females manage to talk Dom into helping them. Kit plugs her ears as Julie holds up a hand and begins counting. Dom puts his mouth very close to Orlando’s ear, and Kit scrunches her eyes shut. Julie and Miranda are in the aisle, and this CANNOT BE GOOD. The third finger goes up, and…

“OHMYGODITSORLANDOBLOOM!”

Julie jumps into Orlando’s lap and Miranda is leaning across Kit, and Orlando shrieks (yes ladies, shrieks like a twelve year old girl). Julie begins to giggle, and Dominic begins to kiss Orlando, smooching wetly down the side of the elf’s face.

“Hey, you Hobbit brat, could you not molest my man, there?” Kit asks.

“He is no man!” Miranda declares. “And could you not grope me there?”

“As Miranda’s girlfriend, I feel it my duty to lay the smack down on you for groping her.” Julie says.

Kit stares at her. “The huh?”

“Please do not grope my pretty,” Julie says.

“Oh my god, do I KNOW you people?” Kit asks, her eyes wide.

“Are you saying you didn’t know?” Miranda asks, her eyes wide.

“So, the whole, husband thing is a cover?” Kit asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course!” Miranda says. She tosses her head back, not-quite-red-or-blonde ponytail flying.

“And Karl is… what? A cover as well?” Kit asks.

“Oh no, we’re definitely a threesome. Didn’t you see the longing looks they gave each other?” Julie asks. “I mean, they were even in the movie!”

Kit lets out a cry. “My brain! I must scrub my brain!”

“That warms the cockles of my black heart,” Julie says, wiping a crocodile tear from her cheek.

“Passengers,” says the Loudspeaker, “please return to your seats—“

“It is the MOUTH! The Mouth of Sauron!” Squeaks Dom, ceasing his bathing of Orlando to buckle his seatbelt.

“—and fasten your seatbelts.”

“I’m shocked you knew that,” Julie says as she and Miranda take their seats.

“What can I say, I’m a—“

“Total freak?” Orlando suggests.

“Completely insane?” Kit asks.

“Utter genius, you worthless piles of MONKEY POO!” Dom shouts.

“Would you shut UP?” Asks Viggo from the seat behind him, dropping ice cubes over the seat and into Dom’s shirt, making him shriek.
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