i'd promise you anything for another shot at life. (thewayout) wrote in telegramupdates,
i'd promise you anything for another shot at life.
thewayout
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The Untitled Celebrity AU



i.

To: jharris@sevenstars.com
From: ksummers@barrelofmonkeys.com
Subj: sunglasses
View Attachments: proof01.jpg, proof02.jpg
Message:
OKAY. I’ve had ALL I CAN STAND. I want my sunglasses back, and I want them NOW, or someone is going to get hurt.

Mr. Bloom and I are going to have to have a talk.

Kit sent the e-mail with a sharp click, annoyed. Upon logging in, she had been barraged with photos from the Wellington premiere of The Return of the King. She knew that Julie would see it, probably before she got out of hearing range of the man in question. She sat, surfing the internet, bored, waiting.

And then… e-mail.

To: ksummers@barrelofmonkey.com
From: jharris@sevenstars.com
Subj: RE: sunglasses
View Attachments: none
Message:
Bloom says he didn’t steal your sunglasses. Comments from opposing peanut galleries (the Hobbits for Bloom, and the um. I don’t know what they are besides hung over and militant, Men for Summers) say alternately that he did not steal the sunglasses, that you are a worthless whore, a lying sack of MONKEY POO, and a … I can’t remember what dear Andy said, but you can rest assured that it was NOT NICE. Conversely, the men rather like you, and say that bloom is a lying sack of oliphaunt terds, that he is a sunglass snatching whore, and… well, I can’t really repeat what Karl said, because it was drunk, vulgar, and directed mostly at me, but boiled down to the sunglasses being of your ownership.

I say I’ll steal them back.

Kit must reply.

To: jharris@sevenstars.com
From: ksummers@barrelofmonkeys.com
Subj: sunglasses
View Attachments: none
Message:
Sunglass theft is in order.

Also, who declared me to be a lying sack of MONKEY POO, and a worthless whore? I must assume that only Dominic would call me monkey poo. Evil hobbit that he is. And… Elijah only calls me a worthless whore because I’m taller than him.

Tell hungover!militant!Men that I said hi. And thanks.

Kit has a fit of insane giggling when she receives the next reply.

To: ksummers@barrelofmonkey.com
From: jharris@sevenstars.com
Subj: RE: sunglasses
View Attachments: none
Message:
Hobbit Bill is offended that you think him too soft spoken to call you a worthless whore or a sack of poo, regardless of the fact that you are right. His pout as he shovels down his porridge is most endearing. He must be the only man who can shovel and pout at the same time. It’s most impressive.

Hungover!militant!Men say hi in return… I think. Two of them are stuffing their faces, and David seems to be only able to grunt at this juncture.

It is most not-sexy.

I shall see you tomorrow… or in two days… or something. I really have no idea, and I hate bloody time zones.

Kit grins as she closes the browser, getting up from her computer, checking her watch. She’s spent her entire thirty-minute lunch break on these e-mails, instead of looking over a part of the script that she’s directing. She’s a bad girl, but she doesn’t care, because her day is brightened.
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